Friday, August 28, 2009

The Married Life

"Well that was your mother... and that was your father...
before you were born dude, when life was great..."

"So where's that young wife of yours, son? She didn't come down to dinner."

"Kettie went to bed early. She was really tired from work today."

"From work, eh? And here I thought you were the one who wore her out."


"With as much as you two are all over each other, I'd figure I'd be a grandmother by now."


"You sure you ain't firing blanks? Or maybe plowing a barren field? Your father occasionally had a little problem with..."

"Ahhh! I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you!"

"Ma tried to give me the 'why don't I have grandkids' talk again last night."

She trying to light a fire under you?

"Please, don't mention 'fire'."

Life in the Bagley household is rolling along smoothly for everyone. Seriously, these guys are almost downright boring.

Kettie's enjoying work a lot more, now that she's in the journalism career. She spends her hours at work working on her writing or kissing up to her coworkers. Of course, she still has her outside of work tasks to pursue. She needs interviews and articles to progress in her career. The main way to get the information is, of course, to harass your friends and neighbors into giving you the information which you then twist into an article.

Or you can dig through your neighbor's trash to get all the juicy stuff they won't talk to you about. Guess which one Kettie prefers?

Don, being right down the road from the Bagley estate, is the prime target for the trash rustling. Kettie is absolutely paranoid that Don is going to catch her.

Her furious scrounging did eventually pay off for her though.

Yeah, and I'm going to have to use the bonus I make on the article on extra strength Abraxo cleanser just to get the trash stench out of my pores

Oh come now, it can't be that bad.


What smells like a weasel with dysentery?

That would be me.


After a good long rinse off, Kettie sat down to write her article and... um... WTF is that on your desktop?

It's the cover for the latest book in the Cleaner of Hearts series.

Cleaner of Hearts: Bad Elvis Impersonators?

No, it's Cleaner of Hearts: The Scullery Singer. It's about a dishwasher in Las Simgas.

Whatever. Just write your article.

Don didn't like my article.

You wrote it using personal information you learned by scavenging his trash. Did you ever think he might be throwing the stuff out for a reason? Like because he didn't want it flaunted to the public?

But some of this was just too good to keep a secret.

And this is why we have gossip rags. Because Simmerica likes a juicy scandal more than it likes a warm fuzzy feel good story.

Oh, and you can see from the Indie Stone pop up there that Rhoda has finally found herself a man.

In fact, when Ma Bagley stopped by the next day to check up on her daughter, she found that Rhoda and Maximus were already married. I can't wait to see when/if these two have kids

Hi Don! Aw, I'd love to tell you who provided me that info, but I've gotta protect my sources.

You're the source! Who else is there to protect?

Yeah, yeah. Anonymity of the press and all that. I thought some of the information my source gave me sounded fishy, but they pay me to take the facts I'm given and write about them. At least I left out the part about the Japanese school girl uniform and the Alf costume.... you mean there were pictures to go with that?! It's probably good that my source didn't find them then.

Why do I think Kettie will be back in his trash later tonight?

About the time Kettie got off the phone with The Don, Sherman arrived home from a long day of directing traffic. Considering he was as stanky as his wife had been earlier, he headed straight for the bathroom. Kettie wandered down to keep him company.

I did not. I came downstairs to brush my teeth.


"Hey hon..."

Yes dear?

"Could you hand me a towel?" *pause* "Um... that's a washcloth."

Is there a problem?

"It's a bit... small... don't you think?"

I don't know... can you prove to me you need bigger? *waggle brow*

I'm sure you can all guess where that conversation led. *snicker*

Excuse me, do we need to have that privacy talk again?

No, we don't. Because you don't have any privacy.

But what about poor Sherman?

He doesn't seem to mind.

But this lack of privacy is killing the mood.

You sure it's not your flirting technique?

Hey now, that's one of those hand held massager thingies.

It is not! It's a frickin' jellyfish! You're flirting using invertebrate sea life now!


Besides, your claims that the lack of privacy is killing the mood don't seem every well founded.


Now if all that rumpling of the bedsheets could only be accompanied by a lullaby or two.

Would you guys lay off with the baby chimes? Between you and Ma Bagley, you're giving Sherman performance anxiety.

Yeah, he does seem a little grumpy about something. I think it's because he lost a game of chess to himself though.

Is that possible?

From Sherman's expression, apparently.

Since Sherman was in no mood to head for bed yet, I sent him off downtown to manage the dead. I'd gotten the death notice for one of Ma Bagley's friends (Flat Broke I think) and wanted to get his gravestone placed out in the cemetery.

After Flat was properly interred, Sheman then went over and gave his dad a good mourning. *sigh* Sherman's starting to disappoint me. Where's the coward who freaks out and faints at the drop of a hat?

The next day dawned about as exciting as all the ones before it. Ma Bagley continued to hang around, boozin' it up and living the wild life of a cat burglar.

"I'm just waiting on those grandkids. And maybe an attentive young man looking for a rich cougar to look after him."

Sherman got promoted again, and this time the promotion came with his own car. He rushed right home to tell his wife.

And from there things devolved into the same thing that happens every night around the Bagley estate. Ma Bagley hit the bottle, and Kettie and Sherman hit on each other.

Of course, things were a little different this time around. Heh. About time you guys started spinning up "have a baby" wants. I was beginning to wonder.

Of course, wanting to have a baby and actually conceiving are two totally different things

And it would probably go a lot easier if someone would quit disrupting and spying on us.

Like that's stopped you two from getting busy before.

Yeah, well, maybe there's also a reason why we haven't fell pregnant before too.

In that case, Ma was probably right about the shooting blanks part.


I don't think she was right about that though. Do you?



"Boy honey, we've sure been having hot dogs a lot recently. Was there a sale on wieners at the grocery or something?"

No, I've just been having a craving for them lately.

"I see."

Oh, and the next time you're at the store, could you pick me up some pickles and ice cream? I've been craving those too.

*choke* "gaaak"

Are you okay? You look a bit distressed.

Yeah, I'm not feeling the greatest.

Well you are pregnant. You won't feel on top of the world every day during your pregnancy.

Whatever. I'm thinking that last sardine and summer sausage sandwich did me in. I'm feeling all bloaty.

Nope, nope. I don't think that's it. *chuckle*

Oh, I'd better tell Sherman.

I think he already suspects.

Shermy, do you remember when we talked about the pitter patter of little feet...

"...and how we complained that we couldn't get a dog because EA was stupid and didn't give us pets?"

Er... well... we will be getting something sorta like a pet.

Your child is not a pet.

Well, I think Sherman will be a great father. He was really excited when I 'officially' told him I was pregnant.

Oh, I'm sure Sheman will be a great dad.

And as her pregnancy progresses, Kettie got to discover that being pregnant was not all fun and games and exotic foods and belly rubs. *snicker*

I suppose that could be payback for her keeping Sherman occupied so long in the gym he did that to himself.

As Kettie was taking a nice long bath after her little 'accident', I got this interesting little Indie Stone pop up. I guess since Ruby couldn't have Sherman, she went for the next available guy.

Oooo, it's a girl. If I have a little boy, they can get married!

Er... but Don's daughter is an... um... Broke *wrinkles nose*

You promised! Don's kids and mine!

We'll see... Don may have more kids... as may you.

"I have the strangest feeling I'm being watched."

As Kettie's due date drew closer, I notice Ma wandering around the kitchen with this thought bubble. At first I thought she was just anxiously awaiting the birth of her grandchild...

But then I got got this Indie Stone pop up announcing that Rhoda and Maximus had a son.

You know, if you guys hadn't taken your sweet time at getting around to getting pregnant, you wouldn't be taking second place in the grandkid race.

Kettie continued to work on her writing, submitting her work via the web. Between writing articles for the local paper, I caught her working on more trashy "Cleaner of Hearts" fan fiction *chuckle*

Heather Crosby dropped by to visit one afternoon, and Sherman cornered her to question her for his latest report.

"Oh, I know everyone claims my husband and I don't get along, but it's just not true. I'll admit, occasionally he gets on my nerves and I want nothing more than to take a ball bat upside his head, but honestly, whose spouse doesn't get to them from time to time?"

"And then she told me she wants to take a baseball bat to her husband's head. Can you imagine..."

Hmmm... I can think of better things to do rather than using a baseball bat...

Y'know, I think I know where this is leading...

Yup, as I suspected. I swear, everything devolves to woohoo with these two. *chuckle* They'd just better be careful or all that action is going to trigger labor for Kettie.

Oh my goodness, Don decided to make an honest woman out of Ruby... that or the rest of the Brokes held a shotgun wedding.

Remember what I said about all the woohoo triggering labor? Yeah, well, some of us were right, although it seems everyone but Kettie was aware of it. Ma returned from prowling her rounds as a cat burglar and rushed right up to panic. Even Sherman roused from his sound sleep before Kettie could even stop spitting out Zzzzs.

Mmmmph... what'up with all the screaming and yelling?

You might want to get up now. I think things that require your attention are starting to happen.

Things? What things?

Ooof! Oh! Those things!

Heh... I don't know if that face is from the labor, or from impaling herself in the end table. I seriously thought she was glitched and stuck in the table for a few.

But after a couple moments she extricated herself and she and Sherman made a beeline out the door for the hospital.

Now, Sherman has his own patrol car now. Do they take the patrol car? No. They call a taxi to drive them to the hospital... and knowing taxis, it probably took the long route there in order to run up the fare.

"You know, you would think an emergency room would have some outdoor lighting. To help you find the place. It's... ah... terribly dark out here."

Is there a problem hon?

"Um... ah... no... er... not really."

Good. Now get out of the way. You're blocking the door and I have no desire to have this child out here on the flagstones.

"Yes dear."

Hmm... this seems a good place to wrap things up for this chapter.

What, you wanted to find out about Kettie and Sherman's baby? Hmm... well... maybe next chapter.

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